Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
