I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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