So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
