Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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