my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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