I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you win again, gameday.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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