dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
