The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
