Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
