just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
