I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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