Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
