Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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