i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
