I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
