i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
