May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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