I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
