Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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