They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
