Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
