drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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