I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
