I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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