I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
