its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
