Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
