so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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