Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
