i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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