he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
This toilet bowl is my home.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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