Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
