Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I sprained my soul last night
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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