i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
