I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
