At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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