True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
