Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
