Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
