Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
