I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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