is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
