my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
