Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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