Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
