I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
