you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
