somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
