Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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