Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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