I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
