We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
lol hangovers are for mortals.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
