She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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