He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
