Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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