I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
