Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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