i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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