Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize