Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
organizing the empties. That sober.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
