He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
