I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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