69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
