Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
