Umm I'm too high to move.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Still dying that you shit outside
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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